As we approached Aidan’s second birthday, I noticed that he wasn’t adding any new words to his vocabulary, and all of the sudden, it seemed to take more effort to get his attention. I would call his name 4 times with absolutely no response. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t worry because he would always eventually turn and look at me. I really thought that he just didn’t want to listen to Mom, because he always seemed to respond right away if it was in reference to something he was interested in, like, “Mommy made you cookies!” : )
During this time, I remember feeling like more of our day-to-day routine was becoming a struggle. Everything was a struggle unless I carefully planned things out well in advance. The tantrums would come out of nowhere and last a loooooong time. I started dreading leaving the house for fear of other people seeing his behavior. If one thing did not go his way, it was an all out war! He would throw anything in sight and just go NUTS! Let’s say he was building a tower with his LEGOS (which he always loved to do), if one piece fell off he would scream and break down the entire tower, throwing each piece across the room. Just imagine when he would get mad in restaurants! It was AWFUL! I always got those glaring looks like I was the worst parent on the planet. One time, when we were at home, I remember leaving him on the ground to throw a fit, and almost an hour later, he was still lying in the same place on the ground. I thought that we were beginning to experience the terrible twos and I just knew he got his stubborn attitude and temper from me. As crazy as it sounds, I truly thought this was just a phase. I thought that when he hit 2 ½ he would be able to express his feelings, and these insane tantrums, would start to go away.
I remember reading many books around this time, but one really seemed to help me put things into perspective. Raising your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kucinka. This book summed up Aidan inside and out, and it helped me see his “difficult” personality traits as positives. Aidan was a kid who knew exactly what he wanted and would never back down until he got it. As frustrating, and as hard as that made things for me, wasn’t that a really good personality trait to have in the long run?
When Aidan turned 2, he had added a few more words to his vocabulary, and I felt my fears slightly fading. We went to his 24-month check up, and he hit every milestone, except his speech was definitely at the lower end of what was considered average. Did the doctor tell us we needed to have him evaluated? Of course not! “Boys talk later,” were his exact words.
Speaking of doctors, remember the easy going kid that I talked about in my first blog post? Well, up until that kid was 8 months old, he never had a problem with a visit to our doctor. By the 12-month check up, I began to dread going in to visit the doctor. Aidan would cry and try to run away from the doctor the whole time, either signing or saying, “All done!” over and over. He could never relax. It was a nightmare for them to get his weight, height, temperature, etc. I always thought that it was because our pediatrician was a douche bag (Oh! Ooops! Did I write that for the world to see?) with extremely limited experience, but later realized that while that factor did play a part, the bigger contributing factor was Aidan’s ever increasing sensory issues.
Every outing became emotionally and physically draining for me. He would run away from me any chance he got. He never even really seemed to have a plan. He would just run! In parking lots, at the store, etc. If I called out his name, or told him to stop, he would just run even faster. He could not understand the urgency or anger in my voice, he would just keep running like he was in his own little bubble. He did not understand, “no” and “stop.” I had to start keeping him strapped in a stroller, for his own safety (and mine). I can remember being so jealous of the parents who could walk through the store as their child stayed right next to them (or at least close enough to keep an eye on). Again, I thought this was just an age thing (as all of my friends & family told me). I had no idea that this was a glimpse of more serious things to come.
I told my husband that every day with Aidan felt like an ongoing struggle, and that I was worried about him. My husband reassured me that everything was fine. He didn’t see the things that I was trying to explain to him and he felt like Aidan was just being a typical toddler with the terrible 2’s. I agreed, and we figured that things would improve as his communication skills progressed.
It was an exhausting time. Aidan wouldn’t sleep. At night we would put him to bed at 7:00 and he would be wide awake until 11:00, and then he would wake up crying around 2am. I would rock with him until he calmed down and went back to sleep. He would wake up for the day by 6:30-7. He never woke up in a good mood. He was generally pretty pissed when he woke up. It would take him a good 30 minutes to adjust to being awake. He also never napped. He would fall asleep in the car, but it would have to be a looong drive. And forget about moving him into his bed! He would wake up at the slightest touch and scream forever! My husband and I still laugh about how awful his sleep was to this day. We would barely BREATHE if Aidan was asleep! He always seemed so tired, but it was like he just COULDN’T sleep.
Things seemed to spiral downward by the day. By the time Aidan was 2 ½, he was beginning to lose the language and skills that he had once mastered. He stopped playing with the puzzles that he had been putting together since he was younger. It was like he forgot how to put them together. He would begin to try and just throw them down on the ground. I also realized that he would NEVER wave or say hello or good-bye to anyone anymore. He lost interest in other children at the park. Children would try to engage him, and he wouldn’t even acknowledge that they were there. He also lost interest in going to the park at all! My little boy who used to run all over the park, would no longer leave my side. He also became terrified of going on the swings. He wanted nothing to do with them. If he did play, he seemed exhausted within minutes and would just lie down on the ground. It was so strange. He would talk here and there. Sometimes in complete sentences, but most of the time he was really quiet. He could say his ABC’s, count to 20, and sing several songs, but he didn’t know to say hello to someone or to respond when his name was being called. He could no longer identify his body parts (he was doing this at 15 months). This was when I really started to worry.
My husband and I took Aidan to the pediatrician AGAIN (this is the 3rd pediatrician that we told about our “concerns”) and again we were laughed off. At this point, my husband thought I was losing my mind. EVERYONE thought Aidan was fine, why do I insist that something is WRONG!?
I confided in a friend about my concerns, and she said, “Do you think Aidan has Autism?”
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